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Women

By Sicebise MSENGANA
Don't mean to put anyone down, but why does it feel like some of the answers on this question are to get brownie points with their girls?

The other answers feel like they're bragging. Then again, you can't talk about your experience dating an extremely attractive woman without it sounding like you're bragging.

I only said that so that I can give myself license to shamelessly brag (not really, it's just a twisted sense of humor). And it's more important to note that bragging is an important part of the experience of dating someone attractive, important enough that it is part of the reason to date someone attractive…

So from highschool I've dated the head cheerleader (they were still a thing back in my day), the homecoming Queen… in college I dated the same, and I also started dating the sexy bartenders, the sexy waitresses, and eventually my first professional runway model. After college I've also dated mainstream actresses (B-list), strippers, and pornstars.

Date enough women with those profiles and looks and you'll notice how much attention, respect, envy, and approval you get. The high fives, the pats on the back, the nods… You're the alpha male, you're the guy everyone wants to know how his weekend went. You don't need to be crass or crude:

“My weekend was **pause for dramatic effect** good **smile warmly to yourself as a leggy blonde who was featured on SI wraps herself around you**”

No one can tell me that this isn't part of the experience of dating someone attractive. How much of a self confidence boost do you need when half the guys in the room want to be in your shoes? But then you start to look at the guys who don't really care about being in your shoes, who only look at the girl in front of them like the world doesn't exist. You obviously don't let those negative thoughts cloud the good things in your life, so you just push those thoughts into the dark corners of your mind.

The first model I dated had her billboard displayed in Times Square, in her underwear… that was a big catch for me at the time. But her conversations of jetsetting and posing in exotic locations just didn't click with me. Nor did talk of all the procedures and surgeries she had to go through to remove any imperfections interest me. While I was still in college I had no interest or experience in those topics, after all, her topics were superficial while I could talk her ear off about financial economics or deterrence in the context of international security. She was too skinny for my preference too… I didn't enjoy the date, I realize now that I wasn't mature enough to appreciate her experiences and what she had to say. I dismissed her as being shallow because of how well read I was… So while I dismissed all she had to say I did get to show off about dating her. Again, nothing brash or overly ostentatious. I would introduce her to my friends:

“What school do you go to?” “erm, I work.” “cool, what do you do?” “erm, I model”

After a while dating attractive women became something like a checklist… what kind of woman didn't I date? The brunette, the blonde, the red head… The banker, the lawyer, the doctor, the neuro endocrinologist, the car mechanic, the base player… check! All of them pretty faces and tight bodies with curves in all the right places.

I always thought that I was indifferent to what people thought of me, and that was part of my charm. But after a while I realized that I did care, maybe not directly, not obviously, but I did care. I compared myself with the men around me, and the women I dated was part of that comparison, my list of accomplished women was part of my accomplishments. And against other men, I was accomplished. These women validated me to my peers, to other women, and most importantly to myself.

What is it like dating an attractive woman? It's validating!

Once you realize how much of your choice for what attractive is gets defined for show, you start to understand what you actually want if show didn't matter. Your conscious understanding of what attractive means starts to differ.

You still have a standard level of attractiveness that's a requirement, not dictated by how you're perceived, but chosen based on your own sense of aesthetics. Tactile became a more important part of what attractive means. How smooth her skin is, how you can appreciate all the different handfuls of her, how naturally you can grab her, how she can press herself against you. It's not about how she can be seen from a distance, but how she can be appreciated while she's in your arms. How you can tell she's smiling when your eyes are inches away from hers. Surgically enhanced symmetrical perfection gives way to a charming lopsided grin.

Then you realize how deep conversations can happen with anyone, regardless of how much education they have or how complicated their professions may be, all it takes is for them to trust you with themselves and that they are capable of expressing themselves. How enjoyable it is to spend hours just gazing at nothing, speaking of sweet nothings, tracing lines of nothing in particular passing over skin and cloth.

Finally you realize that good sex and good looks aren't the same. I made a decision a long time ago (for several reasons) that I won't smoke, I won't drink, I will not make partaking drugs a habit… so the only vice I freely allow myself is sex. And sex is a central part of my life. And many good looking women get away with being crappy at sex because they look good. I don't tolerate bad sex, the starfish isn't a sexy sex move. They have to be comfortable with themselves and are active participants in the process. Pornstars are great in that aspect, they're really comfortable with who they are and clearly communicate in sex, which just improves the experience. Not being judgemental opened me up to meeting amazing women who were kind and astoundingly comfortable in their sexuality.

Now I finally get to what dating attractive women means:

You get a lot of attention which feels great!

If you get over that you realize that you still appreciate being with an attractive woman for her looks… but then other factors start to matter more. Skinny looks great in clothes, but sex with someone curvy feels so much better. Time spent with someone you're comfortable with passes in an instance even if you're doing nothing…

What attractive means changes the more personal you get. The definition of attractive starts to become closer to comfortable.